Choosing the right swimwear outfit to wear on the beach can be a minefield - just ask
Borat, who probably shouldn't be looking so pleased with himself.
According to Tim Hunter, the maker of swimsuit documentary Packed Lunch
(sadly never in the running for an Oscar), the Speedo is king of the beach.
We only mock the much-maligned garment, argues Hunter, because of
embarrassment and fear borne of our repressed natures.
Personally, I'm happy to remain repressed and refuse to condone the Speedo
under any circumstances. As Hunter himself
states, the Speedo is only really acceptable in the twenty-first century as
a functional item of sporting equipment.
So, unless you happen to be Ian Thorpe or Michael Phelps, steer well clear
of the banana-hammock. Choose instead the noble, flattering and much less
distressing pair of board shorts. For everyone's sake.