When Liverpool beat Derby 6-0 in the FA Premier League on Saturday, it put me in mind of the raft of predictable football headlines that accompany big-scoring wins.
Should a team win while scoring 5 goals, the easy headline is "FIVE STAR ENGLAND THRASH GERMANY"
Wins featuring six goals for the winning side, such as Liverpool's this week borrow from Cricket: "LIVERPOOL HIT DERBY FOR SIX"
Seven-goal romps, though rare, get this treatment "ARSENAL IN SEVENTH HEAVEN", while a ninth goal receives a headline along the line of "MAN UTD ON CLOUD NINE AFTER STUNNING VICTORY".
Off the top of my head, I can't remember seeing a clique employed to tackily report an eight-nil drubbing. Perhaps, at a push, "2, 4, 6, 8 - WHO DO WE APPRECIATE?" could be employed in that unlikely circumstance, but it's scraping the barrel. Maybe, then, 8-0 victories are especially rare? The only one I can recall was Newcastle's thrashing of Sheffield Wednesday in 1999. The BBC headline, devoid of suitable cliques, tamely read "Newcastle hit eight". Alan Shearer put in a 'five star performance', however.