I think I'm going blind, although they say that's caused by too much...so, maybe I'm not!
I've been through my copy of FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the world 2007 (always a firm favourite) but something is horribly wrong!
From that first picture of Jessica Alba looking like a less attractive version of Ursula Andrews to Hayden Panettiere at No 6 whoever she is. What about Emily Scott at No 9 whose only claim to fame was showing off her implants on Celebrity Love Island not that I'm complaining of course!
It was when I saw a full page spread of the girlfriend of Tottenham Hotspur's Theo Wolcott in at number 96 that I realised that the world had gone mad!
Could it be some underhand Blairesque type babe' corruption scandal that's going on? Is Max Clifford paying FHM to put in D list celebrities? Or maybe they used a premium rate 1.50 a minute phone line to select the winners. Something is not quite right!
So why is my magazine already falling apart at the seams and where are the missing beauties?
Jamelia, Tina O�Brien and that Sammy girl who went out with Charlie, Roxanne Pallett from Emmerdale (classic TV), Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Nigella Lawson (isn't she lovely), Kirsty Gallagher, the girlfriend of Roman Abramovitch (say no more!), Cat Deeley, Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz...uh oh!...I'm feeling faint!
There are loads more obvious beauties missing - for instance, where am I? Ok, so I'm a guy but I'm still damn gorgeous...and no, I've not had implants, whatever my Doctor says, totally 'au naturel' - apart from a touch of Lipo! Can someone help me as my minds going fuzzy with all these beautiful women running through it?
My question is: Have FHM completely skimped on Jessica Alba's bikini budget? I think she would have looked much sexier in a bikini...but then, so would I!
At least the FHM voters haven't totally lost the plot, the day that happens will be the day that Kelly Brooks and Keeley don't even make it in the Top 10.
Have your say! Do you agree with FHM? Is Jessica Alba the sexiest woman in the world? Vote vote! (look for Mio Destino Poll at bottom left corner of webpage)